Fiendish Lemon Juice Experiments at Auschwitz

Dr. Mengele, in his unending zeal to torture us to the extent of endurance, liked to have me tied to a chair once a week in the main laboratory, where I was pricked with various sharp objects - forks, knives, twigs, pens, letter openers, and coat hangers - and then had my wounds spritzed with lemon juice by his assistant, Herr Unterdumpelschuffling. Dr. Mengele, however, not content to sting us with regular lemon juice, was perpetually at work on a new formula which, when completed, he dubbed the Thulean Master Acid. No Jew who has felt its sting can ever forget the appalling agony of a first administration of Dr. Mengele's Thulean Master Acid. I, as it turned out, was the first guinea pig to be given a dose of the finished formula, which, after a corkscrew had been twisted up each of my nostrils in turn, was piped into my sinuses with an iron straw. I screamed, I can assure you, and soiled myself as well, when the final citric solution was pumped up my nostrils and into my skull! In more than one way, friends, my brain has been scarred!